The Unspoken

She's surely moved her chair to avoid me.

She never met me through her eyes and when she talked to me she always bow as I'm never exist in front of her, I can see her mouth was moving spelled word by word with carefully but she never seen my face directly. 

I don't wanna know her secret or any of things that made her feeling so bad, and I don't wanna see her face too if it disturbed her so I just put my ear when she talked about thing that she was dreamed and many thing that she always made as discourse for me to keep struggling and fight. 

I was so ashamed when she was in front of my desk and I can see her normaly talk to others but then when she knew that I was looking at her she bow her head down.  One day I was thinking to see inside my self and reflected on a mirror then I asked "what's wrong with me?", And after I seen through that mirror there's nothing wrong with the way I looked or even my face as a normal human. until she moved her chair and avoid my eyes even she keep talking with me.

That time she was talked about the man she loved, she was standing in front on me not too far so I know that in my reach I can hold her face up, but I won't do that. As ussual I just put my ear without say anything or made any arguments. 

She's talking about love, the way she love that guy and the her journey till she found a real love and then got maried. She also talked how happy she was and it felt like there's no such happiest thing in this world  as she felt that time, and I just smiled to her hoping that she will raise her head to see directly in front of my face but she didn't do it. She continuing her story, the way she met him and the way he propossed her to be his wife. As she talked to me I knew that was a romantic moment that she couldn't forgot because when she talked about it I can see her lips was smiling but then I can see her tears also flowing down to her lips. 

After she talked about her happiness she started to cry and became a hate inside of her when her love life was didn't smooth as her thought. She was divorce with two little girl that lived with her now, that time I couldn't found any word to speak, I'd just took a deep breath to show that I'd really feel sorry about what's happen to her. She cried and keep standing in front of me, I didn't know what should I do that time until she hug me. She hug me very tight so I can't breathe normaly but in the same time I'm happy because she made me as her ear to hit the doors of her heart and spill it to my shoulder then I hug her back, I can smelled her long hair and I can feel how warm she was. 

She stopped crying that time and keep my back on her hug, she whispered thanks to me and I said yes. She released her hug and moved one step back with her head bow and what I could see is her hair which covered her face. She moved to her chair and sit down and so do I, doing the same thing without knowing what is just happened. I'm confused.

The next day is the day when she moved her chair and she surely never talked to me even a single word. I was wandering what's happen, is it I'm doing wrong or did I made any mistake and it always running on my head. She's such a mystery for me, I'd try to made a conversation but she always avoid me.  and what I'm doing that time is just hoping that someday she would opened to me and start to talk with me even I couldn't find any solution but I know she need someone to talk. then I start to make a notes for her.

"Surely I don't wanna be your priority of your life and your story in a past or in a head, I don't wanna be a man that using your sadness as my will to see your face or your smiling face.

And I don't have anything that I can give to you even a word when you're saying about your life to me, I'm not that kind of wise and also I'm not the kind of man that can give you love as people will do.

I don't wanna be your side or even someone who push you from behind neither as a man who standing in front of you that guides you to a better a head. What I want is let me be your your ears when you need to talk, let me be your foot when you don't know where to go, and let me be your left eyes where you can see from your side and I do it with my way so then we can talk and argue about what we seen and decide what will we do for the next step. 

I will not providing you ears for you to talk and then forget about it, I want you to be your own ears that hear what you're saying and what you felt for your own discourse and decide which step will you take for your happiness, and when you find your happiness, you can released me as your eyes, ear and foot."

Then I put those note on her desk hoping that she will read it. The next morning she didn't come and when I checked those note, there is still above of her desk and also the next and the next days. She never came....