My mother always said that a man will always be a man which responsible to his own life and his environment no matter where he lived and where he stand, then a man also has a power to make things possible and that is giving a happiness to someone he love but also a man could break down when he couldn't find he loved and couldn't struggle for him self.
I never asked what is trully makes a man but the first thing I know in my life that behind the great man is always a great woman who support him from behind, so the thing that makes a man is a strength and power and also support from a woman. This is not an opinion but this is a discourse of seeing and fact which always happen among our lifes. Once in a time I took a mirror then I reflected my self to see whether I'm a man or just a human which trying to be a man for his life, knowing him self, knowing his will and have enough courage to see a difference and to express what I felt that time. Surely I'm not that wise to see what I am within seeing my deep inside but many thing that I could learn from what I seen and learn from things that I have done even a lot of thing was a mistake.
So I'd down to the ground as I felt into depth and what I need to know is to climb up and reach higher than where I am now. I stopped asking when I will get there where the sky are blue and the sun are shinning burning the skin, I keep climbed up and loosing my fear of heigh.
What did I saw that time?
Surely she's not an angel or any saviour angel which raise my hand and help pull me up so then I finished my climb. The one thing that I could see clearly is my self who standing and said that it was me who helping my will and raise up the climb, so I started to ask about what that I have seen before which is about great man and support by a great woman, my self was smilling at me and said "What did you expexted for your own life? a value? which value? are you that good to see that you're a great man which standing now in front of me as a great man without someone which supporting you?. How stupid are you!.. Did you realize when you're expecting something from others then it only causing a boundaries for you while someone who supporting you is the greates woman that you know, whom carried you out to this world and whom giving you her tender as much as she can while she never enjoying her time just to make you happy!".
A mother, where I put my self drown and realized who I am now. so the next day I'm go back home to meet my mother and find her when she cried that many love was gone from her life, a husband which she loved and a boy who didn't wanna back home because too bussy to searching what he love.
So I took her hand and kiss her as my deep respect and said "Mother I'm back, your son which made a big mistake to think that he can beat thisworld and let you lonely at this world which I can't recognize it anymore, I'm sorry mother..".
She's smiling at me and that was the happiest thing I ever met in this world, "my mother smile".
a painting that priceless where no money can buy and no other thing can replaced it, a sun of my world and a moon to my night when I was felt down or someone who strengthen my body when I was melt down over the dessert.
I couldn't see what I should see now even the happiness was only a version of a man to describe, a happiness when you come home is the beautiful smile that you got from your mother and the price are more expenssive when you see the other thing smiled at you.
And I found true love for my entire life while the rain was never stopped, my mother is said "go and catch the rain, bring her to me and I will painted you as my beautiful smile that you will remember in whole entire life, go and bring the rain as you want and as you will for a base that you stand on and where you hang on while I'll giving you words of wisdom following your step wherever you go, go and hold her arm while I'm giving you the beautiful happiness of your love, loved, an beloved."
She smiling at me once again and said " When you're on the top of the hill, shout at it and say that you love her more than anything and also shout to your self that you're as your self who has huge responsibility as huge as your love to your mother. Put your arm in front of you and feel your own heart beat then say you're a man who has courage enough to sailing in this world and let it be a weapon for you to stand and hold her arm and walk with you".
She never ask who's the one that I called the rain because I know in her thought that the rain is nothing and it just a metaphore in my life, but she gave me more power without she know, and I said to my self "if there's a time for me so let it be my time to paint my beautiful happiness which is make my mother smile without fake".
And over she was smiling at me and I'm on the top of the hill now shout what I should said, write what I should wrote and smile to the world.
Love for my mother...
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