Titik Nol

Tak perlu memendam senja hingga pagi jika kau sendiri tak bisa mengendalikan waktu, Keselarasan waktu adalah sebuah sinergi masa yang berjalan.  Sejauh titik pandang kau melihat tak ada bentangan waktu hingga mencapai titik saat kau berjalan, dari saat kau mulai mengangkat kakimu untuk melangkah dan kemudian berhenti pada titik terjauh mu.

Bila cinta itu ada maka malam tak kan mengikuti siang karena semua berjalan pada jalurnya begitupun kaki kanan yang tak kan mendahului kaki kirimu saat kau melangkah. Jika kau percaya maka jangan jadikan senja yang menawarkan keindahan untuk kau bawa esok hari karena semua hanya mata saja yang merekam jejak saat kau berdiri di ujung Pantai sanur untuk kemudian melenggang diam di pegunungan himalaya.

Seperti sebuah tiang yang menancap diujung savana, berkibar sebuah bendera negara tercinta Indonesia walau saat kau tak bernama dan saat kebobrokan manusia tanpa disiplin menggandeng kebengisan serta permusuhan dalam demokrasi yang tak pernah tahu akhirnya, entahlah kemudian siapa dipersalahkan namun nilai luhur sebuah simbol perbedaan yang satu dan keberanian serta kesucian yang sudah tercetak dalam dasar sosial haruslah menjadi pribadi  yang tanpa enggan berteriak bahwa cinta adalah nyawa.

Tidak lagi pohon tertebang karena serakah seorang manusia ataupun kesombongan yang terkepal saat seorang renta diam mengadahkan tangan meminta damai pada perang di ujung perbedaan. Perkawinan sang Ayah air dan Ibu pertiwi tanah yang kita pijak adalah cinta yang menawarkan sejuta senyuman bahwa damai adalah sesuatu yang terjunjung sebagai perasaan merdeka yang tanpa ada arti. 

Kau atau siapa? 

Sejauh mana jarak tertempuh? apakah diam saja sementara kaki berjalan akan sampai pada laut merah yang tanpa ada warna merah sedangkan laut biru saja tanpa warna? lalu kau dimana saat itu?

Sebuah kata saja sebenarnya aku nantikan semenjak 600 hari yang lalu saat kau tersenyum sementara aku menangis hingga kau menggandeng kedua tanganku dan melemparkanku ke negeri hujan di tepian Alaska yang dipenuhi aurora kehijauan yang sama sekali sebetulnya juga tidak berwarna. Saat itu kau memakai baju berwarna kuning dan aku melangkah pada satu langkah besar dalam hidupku.

Sementara waktu telah berlalu kini aku masih berdiri di tanah yang sedikit kucintai atas kebusukan formasi yang hampa tertata bahkan melenggang pada pencitraan dan pada saat itu kau hilang untuk tetap kembali meneruskan dua hari yang lalu dan hilang kembali saat sebuah frase dan bingkai masa lalu yang tanpa sengaja berbuah kemerdekaan untuk sekali lagi tidak kau mengerti.

Aku cuma sebuah titik. Terlalu biasa dan terlalu umum tanpa bahasan jarak dan sejauh langkah berjalan sedangkan kau tahu ini tentang kau tanpa demokrasi yang tercantum dalam sebidang tanah datar dimana tertancap tiang benderapun aku masih tak mampu meng indah kan kau dalam waktu ku.

Summary

#0

Do you know your self?

#1

The sky was never burn but it reflect from the sun so the sky has orange color at the evening when the earth was rotating left the sun. 

The earth who left the Sun not The sun who left us. 

#2

The sky doesn't have a color but when there's no cloud upon the sky it has a blue color, The sea reflected from the ocean to the atmospheres 

#3

Mirror was reflecting your performance

#4

Mirror also can tell a lie where you can reflected as far as you can or as near as it possible

#5

The theory was you're standing on your own body structure where completely and perfectly created by God to make a moves, see our fingers works!

#6

What is your heart content?

#7

To be our self

#8

To loving

#9

The existence of our self

#10

We are as we are but we are also something that need to find by our self, so where we are

#11

What is your plan is it gonna be today as today I walked down the floor and entered the main gate and said "I don't know where I am now"

#12

They judge

#13

There are times when a value is required and there is always one to be sacrificed unless you can divide and be in two places at once

#14

When you decide one of them it will become an irreplaceable value when you don't regret it

#15

We can't be two people at the same time and this exactly what demands understanding from others to provide value

#16

While those who could understand maybe just a percentage from hundreds because I'm sure everyone wants to be a top priority

#17

Sometimes we think we've the wrong decision while we need only believe that God always provides the best path

#18

We only need to be grateful, sincere, patient and try to make the best of any consequences

#19

Regardless of the value given by others as long the value that you go round on a positive value for your futures

#20

Maybe you will feel shunned and marginalized while they never know your business

#21

Don't feel weak because all forms of power, dreams come from confidence and a healthy soul and the most important thing is prayer

#22

Prayer that strengthens self, surrendering and pleading sincerity of the Lord of the universe

#23

Ask your self what have you done until you finally get it, then reflect and say that you were able to get through this all

#24

Start to be a leader for your self whom capable to controlling the minds and hearts so then you'll know your self

#25

Remain standing and stepping on the limits of human norms. That do not harm others and restrict ourselves, we actually also need limits

#26

Constraints which we call religion and culture, The most important is we're conscious of ourselves and able to put ourselves at the right place

#27

...

#28

...

#29

...

#30

...

The Sky #5

The Sky

The Sky #4

The Sky

The Sky #3

The Sky

The Sky #2

The Sky

The Sky #1

The sky

Diam

Bila langit malam adalah jendela maka biarkan terbuka seperti laju nafas yang menghirup udara serta bias cahaya yang diam terpendar, diam namun bersuara. Kemudian bangunkan aku kembali seperti pagi saat di ufuk timur sana sebuah bintang saja yang ternampak meninggalkan bulan yang terlalu pagi untuk beranjak.

Tulisan angin yang tercetak pada embun pagi itu adalah hati yang enggan bersembunyi walau harus hilang saat matahari terbangun dan menatap tajam hari, lalu pohon yang telah ter-tebang akan kemudian bangkit menebarkan benih harapan di atas tanah dan langit yang menyiraminya. 

Bila saja sadar akan tanda yang melenggang seperti laju waktu tentu saja manusia akan tahu mana yang akan jatuh dan kemudian tumbuh atau bahkan mati tanpa ada ke-kekal-an diantaranya.

Untuk mengerti saja perlu pikiran serta hati yang menatap jauh menggali sumur pada kedalaman antara tanah yang terbuang namun bukan mati tetapi kesadaran akan hidup dalm pengenalan diri. Sementara bercakaplah pada pantulan air dari embun fajar yang hampir hilang lalu tanyakanlah siapa yang ada di belakangmu.

Jangan kau bilang seandainya saja jika nurani saja tanpa kata apalagi bicara, biar saja rumput menghijau dilapangan kesadarannya tanpa ada cangkul untuk menggali siapa aku dengan duniawi.

Jika ada sebuah pagar yang terbentuk darimu yang mengurung siang hari lalu tanyakan pada angin yang berhembus, kapan ada musim gugur yang akan memupuk subur tanah kami sehingga kelam akan tumbuh berganti menjadi generasi baru dengan pribadi yang penuh cinta atau bahkan tercipta karena seorang perempuan yang bersembunyi dibalik tirai mengamati namun juga membenci.

Lukisan pagi hari setelah kau baca simpanlah di lemari hati dengan kejernihan cara pandangmu mengingat Tuhan dalam penelusuran dirimu untuk kemudian tanyakan darimana dirimu berasal serta kepadaNya lah kamu akan kembali dengan garis takdir yang terbentang sementara kedua kaki dan tanganmu berusaha menyempurnakan rencana garis yang telah kau tata. Bukan kemudian untuk mengeluh pada seekor sapi yang sedang merumput di padang savana tempat yang kau akan tuju namun lebih pada rasa syukur terhadap apa yang melekat pada raga.

Jika kau mengadu tentang cinta lalu datanglah pada puncak semeru yang dingin dan kemudian lihatlah kebawah, sejauh mana kau sudah melangkah dalam pendakianmu hanya untuk melepaskan nafas atau mengagumi semua ciptaanNya seperti halnya cinta kau terhadap hidup dan seorang perempuan yang sama sekali tidak mencintaimu.

Lalu buka kemudian matamu sementara orang lain datang dan membencimu, apa yang akan kamu pedulikan dari badanmu yang hampir lapuk karena usiamu serta kesendirianmu? apakah angin saja mampu menghempaskanmu kepada titik nadir seluruh hidupmu dan mengembalikan semua mimpi dan melukis hidup yang kemudian tanpa sadar kau akan berkata bahwa itu hanya sebuah cinta dan nilai ketulusan sementara kau tidak memerlukan nilai yang sempurna di mata manusia atau bahkan yang akan menjauhkanmu dari masyarakat manusia dan kembali bercengkrama dengan pepohonan di ketinggian Sindoro-Sumbing seperti sediakala saat layunya bunga edelweis adalah saat hari bukan tanpa hujan.

Biar saja burung yang diam bernyanyi dalam hati yang sebetulnya dia sedang berbicara siapakah kau datang tiba-tiba tanpa asa rasa kemudian meminta seseorang dari kaum manusia untuk mencintaimu. Jangan bohong awan hitam itu mungkin saja mengandung hujan namun ia juga hanyalah kepulan asap yang bermuatan listrik sehingga pada suatu ketika petir akan menyambar pada hari hujan ataupun pada hari mendung, sedangkan pada hari tanpa awan tentunya langit tidak berwarna biru karena yang berwarna biru adalah langit dan kembali pada refleksi hari sebagai penyadaran bahwa dirimu adalah dirimu.

Buat anak-anakku kemudian.

Kekuatan hanya sebuah bilangan begitu juga waktu yang seharusnya bentangan panjang dan durasi nya dapat terukur oleh skala manusia, lalu tanyakanlah seberapa teguh kau dan hatimu, pikiranmu atau bahkan rasa cinta terhadap ibumu?

Saat tangisan sang ibu memecah rindu atau saat tercinta membawakanmu secangkir teh hangat pertanda cinta sudah dimulai dan sadar bahwa mimpi adalah sebuah bejana yang kau isi dengan harapan dan doa sementara bentangan waktu hanya sebuah angin yang berlalu di depan hidungmu kemudian meninggalkanmu tanpa asa kata atau bahasa.

Diam.

Word Sign

One  slice of cheese cake :

Hey look at me, I'm sweet as it look and surely everybody want me! Hey I'm a symbol of urban people where they keep running catching the time while they needed instantly, some people left behind and some people are moving too fast so they didn't recognize him them self anymore.

Hey taste on my sugar, It's melting on your tongue like a word which spoken and disappear within the time, I won't complain because I was made to disappear and I don't bother if someone is put a hate on me because soon I'll be gone to where I can rest my soul (if I have a soul).

They put me on a high value where some people think I'm the symbol of glamour life where every thing need to payed with a high cost, but I'm not that arrogant. In the process to make the real me it need much time where it need a detail and also loving like my friend the coffee... so let's ask him.

One cup of Coffee :

What's wrong if I'm bitter? and is it my mistake if I'm become bitter while for some people said my self is life, even of course I had a bad thing that people shouldn't follow me. 

I'm a love as usual where it need to serve with feeling, reverence and devotion of a wife to her husband, to someone he/she loved and else. 

but the most important thing is I'm a life, where it means of bitterness and sweet at the same time, affect on addict as love and even stub out. I don't need more explanation about me right?

One stick of cigarette : 

Surely I'm deadly, and I'm bad as it look! but anyway for some people I'm a stand which become the one who able to understand people.

Just don't be me! 

Under The Moon

Under the Moon

Que Sera Sera

Diantara memandang jenuh hujan yang tak kunjung berhenti seorang anak kecil menangis menatap kosong dalam hujan yang tak kunjung berhenti ataupun mereda sementara nyanyian halilintar seolah berteman dengan genderang telinga yang menghasilkan irama bertalu, tak jarang awan yang meraung kemudian menampakan kilat menapakan keperkasaannya pada bumi dalam sepersekian detik kemudian melesat kembali menuju batas angkasa.

Pada secarik kertas dan segenggam crayon seorang anak laki-laki yang melukiskan hujan itu berujar pada crayon berwarna hitam "jika kekelaman masa akan terlukiskan oleh hujan maka berhenti kau disini dan akan ku keluarkan kau dari genggamanku ini sehingga pada masa dewasaku nanti kau hanya menjadi sebidang bingkai yang membatasi lingkup gerakku sebagai manusia".

Tercoretlah kemudian bingkai di tepian kertas yang putih dan kosong seperti sebuah pembatasan waktu dan ruang akan kesadaran mimpi. Anak laki-laki itu kemudian menangis dan tertunduk diam saat gemericik hujan yang membahana mengalahkan harap serta suara teriakannya seperti luput dari keberadaannya. Dia berujar "Ibu satu tahun ketika aku tidak mengenal ayah kau ucapkan padaku bahwa kata ayah hanya sebatas tanggung jawab seorang lelaki terhadap hidupnya yang kemudian memberi manfaat kepada orang disekitarmu. Seketika itu hujan yang menggantikan terik matahari memberi harapan waktu sehingga kelak aku bisa menjadi seorang ayah untuk tanggung jawabku terhadap cinta yang aku harus lukiskan dalam hatiku tanpa adanya rasa takutku terhadap kesakitanmu yang tertinggal oleh masa tanpa mengenal sosok ayah bagiku dan seorang yang menjadi cinta dalam duniamu".

Satu detik saja kilat yang menyambar ngarai dasar tujuan akhirnya membentuk sebuah payung berwarna merah di selembar kertas itu walaupun terlihat kusam dan kotor oleh topangan tangan anak laki-laki itu yang sudah berhenti menangis mencoba lebih berani menghadap hujan.

Sang bunda kemudian datang menghampiri anak laki-laki yang berada di beranda rumah tersebut sementara hujan perlahan berhenti dan angin berhembus tenang seperti melepaskan beban yang ada di pundak seorang ibu dan menghasilkan suara kasih sayang yang tercipta oleh mimpi dan harap seorang anak terhadap ibu sekaligus ayah.

"Anak laki-lakiku, kaulah laki-laki yang kelak menjadi seorang dewasa dengan keputusan berat di tanganmu, seperti halnya ketika suatu saat kau akan pergi dari rumah ini membawa sejuta mimpi terkasihmu dan menjadikan kehidupanmu lebih berarti dari laki-laki manapun yang pernah aku kenal. Anak laki-lakiku, jadilah setenang angin dimana yang akan terjadi pada masa dewasamu adalah tempat dimana berakhir angin akan berhembus sementara kau tak lagi berangan-angan namun kau menjadi angan-angan yang kau impikan dengan kesuksesan bergerak dinamis dalam setiap ritme kehidupan tanpa terganggu ritme hujan yang menyeretmu dalam kesedihanku".

Layaknya seorang penari, anak laki-laki itu melenggangkan tangannya yang kemudian secara gemulai melukiskan wajah sendu oleh crayon berwarna biru didasar payung yang berwarna kemerahan. Dia tertunduk haru namun sekaligus membawa sejuta mimpi yang tercetak persis didasar hatinya, sebuah kebahagiaan yang akan ia gapai hanya dari restu serta kasih sayang seorang ibu yang tak pernah bisa melukis seorang ayah, namun harunya adalah sebuah bentuk kebanggaan serta tanggung jawab yang kini terlukis diantara payung tersebut serta wajah sendu sebuah bias sinar berwarna jingga yang melingkarinya.

"Anakku, jadilah hujan yang mengkasihi bumi tanpa mengeluh seolah bumi tetap harus dimengerti dan jadilah pemimpin pasukan yang kelak nasi yang orang terkasih makan akan menjadi tanganmu yang selalu memberi seperti cinta yang aku berikan pada mu dari air susu ku semasa kau berjuang untuk hidup dan menjadi manusia".

Sang ibu kemudian beranjak dan meninggalkan anak laki-laki tersebut dalam diam dan tak lagi kosong menatap cahaya bulan yang menelusup memecah awan dan hujanpun berhenti. 

Anak laki-laki itu kemudian berdiri tegap, matanya memandang seolah seorang ayah langit yang bertanggung jawab terhadap apa yang dia dengar dan ia lukiskan, kemudian tatapannya tajam kepada bulan dan berteriak pada malam.

"QUE SERA SERA"

"Akulah sang lelaki anak dari ibuku dan ayah yang tak sempat ku kenal dan akulah sang lelaki yang tidak akan menari dalam hujan, akan kukibarkan bendera merah diatas kepalaku serta hak-hakku sebagai seorang lelaki kecil yang mempunyai mimpi.

Akulah seorang pendewasaan citra antara waktu di mana tempat berteduhku adalah cinta, tanpa terjatuh dan rasa sakit hati sementara tubuhku adalah bejana tanpa retak yang mengisi kebeningan hati sehingga ibuku akan meminum air dari bejana itu sebagai tanggung jawab dan hakku, seorang laki-laki yang kelak memayungi cinta serta renta ibuku diantara nyanyian sunyi sang angin malam."

"QUE SERA SERA "

Philophobia

Are we need to fall to get in love? Should us get drown and hit the road while Love it self is a wonderful thing that create happiness which covered the sadness? Are we afraid of Love? or afraid to hit the ground? What the love it self without falling? Should we should fall to get love? Is it need to fall to get love? SO WHAT IS THE FALLING IT SELF?

When two people fall in love with one another, the world becomes a beautiful place no matter what else goes on. This sense of euphoria? happiness? or good feeling that appear from heart that came from undefined feeling from a man who loves woman or the opposite. This is one of the most pleasurable parts of establishing an emotional relationship with someone. It's look like the world is stopped spinning just to understand what you felt that time.

Time is continuing where love will always be love. but don't know what we will face in front, some people forget their life and just feel love. IS IT GOING TO FALL? 

This wonderful prospect becomes tragic when someone who love is start to left us and no more care about us, love become unbalance where there is no double side which loving or beloved, we just loving someone without get the opposite. What will happens next? HEARTACHE? TRAUMA? OR THE WORST THEN PHILOPHOBIA "a fear of love".

Love which can caused fall, love which can cause heartache and love which can cause heart damage! but LOVE ACTUALLY ISN'T WRONG AND EVEN A MISTAKES OF A FEELING!

The thing that make a mistakes is FALL, why should we need to fall and adding word FALL in LOVE??

What causes such a disturbing mental condition? For some people, being in the throes of love means losing control of their emotions, something that terrifies them. In this instance, romantic love makes it impossible for them to maintain their emotional control, because their well-being relies on the responses of their partners.

Philophobia certainly ranks as one of the most unusual phobic conditions. Most people can understand when a person fears snakes or spiders, which pose an actual bodily threat. There's also sympathy for people who fear heights (acrophobia), crowds (agoraphobia) or enclosed spaces (claustrophobia). In each of those cases, people can relate somewhat to the negative emotions and physical sensations that can result. It's easier to understand how a natural caution against bodily harm can develop into a more lasting and unreasonable mental condition.

but However any there's a cure in every phobia where phobia it self is just a fear of something. Love is natural feeling that everyone have it, where you don't need to find inside your self, is it a love feeling or not, it already set up in our heart even some symbol shows that a heart is symbol of love it self. so my opinion that if someone have a disease called philophobia then it a BULL SHIT!! one thing that made us fear is the falling but not the love!

Have you ever seen through a mirror, where it can reflect your self as performance but not inside of you? TAKE SOME TIMES AND SEE WITHIN YOUR SELF? How arrogant are you in front the mirror? How bad looking are you? or how VISIONARY are you? 

Talk to you! Describe what is your will or what is you want? as human whom had perfectly body structure to do anything and what is the heart function, it amaze! 

LOVE is not equal with FALL and also the opposite FALL is not LOVE! it absolute on words and it absolute on the define of each word or feeling, FALL that made hurt and LOVE that made happy. 

Source : http://philophobia.info/philophobia-causes/ 

Ngatiyem is in the house

Pernah kah kau ketemu dengan seseorang perempuan yang pada akhirnya kau merasa bahwa kau sedang berkaca pada dirimu sendiri entah itu dari satu sisi saja kau melihatnya ataupun dari beberapa sisi yang pada akhirnya kau berkata sial pada dirimu sendiri?.

Sebutlah seorang perempuan bernama Ngatiyem, tidak terlalu elit memang namanya dibandingkan dengan nama-nama kota seperti Grace atau Cindy.  Namun Ngatiyem ini merupakan seorang perempuan yang memiliki sesuatu yang tidak dimiliki perempuan lain "keunikan", Unik karena dia selalu merasa tidak normal ditengah orang-orang yang berjuang dengan pencitraan sebagai orang normal, Ngatiyem tidak pernah merasa luar biasa namun merasa bahwa dirinya adalah perempuan yang tidak normal bahkan cenderung terbelakang sehingga menjasikan dirinya begitu sangat luar biasa.

Ngatiyem adalah sosok seorang perempuan cantik menurutnya dan perempuan yang sangat menarik menurutnya, umur dia belum memasuki separuh baya kalau menurut dia jika abad adalah berjumlah 100 maka umur dia adalah seperempat abad setengah (???). Seperti kata dia hal ini tidaklah harus dibahas, karena umur adalah hanya perpanjangan nama dari waktu dimana umur sendiri hanya mengikuti waktu sedangkan pemikiran itu berdiri sendiri tanpa embel-embel bernama umur, dengan kata lain kedewasaan bukan terletak pada umur jadi jangan kita membicarakannya. 

Dia berkulit putih namun membenci kulitnya yang putih karena baginya putih itu tidak seksi (terserah katamu lah yem... kata orang-orang sekitarnya), berambut panjang dengan mata agak kecoklatan mirip sama maria ozawa eh salah... mirip sama artis Indonesia ya kurang lebih seperti Intan nuraini versi KW. 

Ngatiyem bekerja di perusahaan asing yang bergerak di bidang pertambangan, dia bekerja sebagai akuntan yang kerjaannya setiap hari cuma berurusan dengan kwitansi-kwitansi makan bosnya serta pembelian celana dalam bosnya, namun Ngatiyem tidak pernah mengeluh. Dia menikmati pekerjaannya lebih dari dia menikmati mie ayam di depan kantornya setiap pagi. Setiap datang ke kantor setiap hari dia selalu memakai pakaian yang berwarna warni dengan rok nya yang cukup menggoda iman para engineer di kantornya. Warna yang dikenakannya pun terkadang seolah mewakili warna-warna partai politik di negara kita, dia bilang kalau warna yang dipilihnya itu untuk melambangkan bahwa dia sangat menyukai perdamaian (agak tidak nyambung tapi whateverlah kata dia). 

Cara berpikir Ngatiyem ini sangat unik karena cara pandang hidupnya seolah tidak pernah ada beban baik itu di keluarganya ataupun di kehidupan percintaannya. Ngatiyem adalah anak ketujuh dari tujuh bersaudara, ayahnya tidak diketahui rimbanya karena kabur dengan perempuan lain, sementara ibunya adalah seorang ustadzah yang setiap dia menelpon selalu dinasehati perkara-perkara agama. Kakak-kakaknya sudah menikah semua dan bahkan dua diantaranya sudah menikah untuk kedua kalinya dan dari hasil perkawinan pertamanya dua kakanya meninggalkan 3 anak  yang kemudian diurus oleh neneknya yang notabene adalah ibu dari Ngatiyem, secara tidak langsung Ngatiyem juga yang membiayai ketiga anak tersebut karena kakanya sudah sibuk dengan istri-istri barunya. Namun kendatipun begitu Ngatiyem tidak merasa terbebani dan menikmati hari demi harinya.

Satu hal yang paling Ngatiyem sukai adalah kopi pahit!, menurutnya kopi pahit adalah filosofi hidup dimana proses kehidupan adalah rasa dari kopi yaitu pahit namun walaupun pahit jika dinikmati berulang-ulang kita akan paham betul rasa pahit itu, begitupun dengan proses kehidupan. Kopi itu sendiri menurutnya adalah lambang sebuah supremasi akan dirinya sendiri dimana kopi diseduh dengan rasa cinta maka akan menghasilkan kopi yang lain begitu pula halnya ketika kopi tersebut dihidangkan oleh seorang istri yang tulus kepada sang suami (percayalah kalau Ngatiyem sudah membicarakan kopi, maka jika diurutkan akan tidak cukup satu minggu untuk membahas ini dengannya). Ngatiyem juga tidak pernah meminum kopi lebih dari tiga cangkir setiap harinya karena menurut dia seperti halnya hidup jika berlebihan maka akan berakibat buruk, begitu pula jika kurang maka tidak memberikan manfaat apa-apa jadi tiga cangkir menurut dia  adalah porsi yang sangat ideal menurutnya, dan karena itupulalah dia tidak mau disebut sebagai pecandu kopi atau coffee junkie, dia menyebut dirinya pecinta kopi atau coffee lover.

Entah karena dari cara pandangnya atau cara dia menikmati hidup, hampir semua orang yang dia kenal selalu menjadikannya tumpuan masalah atau dengan kata lain Ngatiyem pun kini menjadi konsultan kehidupan bagi teman-temannya. Dari setiap nasihat yang keluar dari Ngatiyempun sangat masuk akal dan bisa jadi sebuah solusi yang sangat menarik bagi temannya.

Ngatiyem adalah seorang pribadi yang sangat kritis, terutama terhadap kedisiplinan masyarakat dan pemerintah. 

Pernah dia menuliskan status di facebook yang isinya "ah gila ni pemerintah kenapa mesti membuat peraturan kalau jalan kaki sebelah kiri, hasilnya semua mobil yang lewat dibelakang gue liat pantat gue tanpa ngeliat muka gue, negara mesum!" alhasil statusnya itu di like oleh setengah pemakai facebook di Indonesia. 

Pemikiran-pemikirannya yang nyeleneh mengenai rusaknya sebuah negara yang berdasar dari kedisiplinan seorang manusia yang menyerobot antrian pun sebetulnya sangat masuk akal namun karena Ngatiyem hanyalah seorang perempuan bahenol yang tak ada paras politikus hasilnya dia hanya bisa men-tweet statusnya di twitter dengan status "anj**g kopinya pahit euy!". itupun di re-tweet oleh hampir seribu orang yang diam-diam memperhatikan si Ngatiyem.

Ngatiyem  adalah seorang pribadi yang nyentrik, dia sangat suka dengan musik walaupun tak pernah tahu siapa dan apa judul lagu yang dia suka. Dia adalah penyuka musik sejati pendengar jazz eh rock eh dangdut eh melayu eh apalah itu dia tidak pernah mau tahu, yang pasti menurut dia inilah seni berekspresi dimana nama tidak dibutuhkan dan jika ada nama maka itu hanya bertujuan sebagai komersialitas saja. seni ya seni bukan bohong atau pun berpura-pura tegar ternyata dihatinya penuh dengan kesakitan. Bahkan menurut dia tidak pernah ada yang namanya kesakitan hati, yang ada hanya pembelajaran hati yang tidak terpatok oleh nilai yang dibuat oleh orang lain. kita ya kita menurutnya.

Ngatiyem juga seorang pecinta hujan, menurutnya hujan adalah sebuah berkah luar biasa yang diberikan oleh Tuhan, dimana hujanlah yang memberikan kehidupan dan kebutuhan kita akan air untuk menyirami dan menumbuhkan pohon dan tanaman disekitar kita. Dia menyebut dirinya sebagai rain lover, dia tidak percaya bahwa pecinta hujan adalah seseorang yang suka menangis saat hujan sehingga hujan bisa menyamarkan tangisannya, omong kosong menurutnya, hujan tidak pernah berbohong terlebih untuk menutupi luka hati seseorang. Jika hujan adalah tangisan maka menangislah tanpa ragu hingga keluar semua beban didada namun bukan untuk menutupi rasa sakit!. Hujan adalah ekspresi hati, seperti kemarahan yang tersalurkan kesedihan yang terhanyutkan dan kesenangan yang mengajarkan kita tentang rasa syukur.

Ngatiyem adalah seorang pelukis yang biasa melukis warna hitam siatas media berwarna putih, atau mungkin kata warnanya harus dihilangkan karena menurutnya hitam adalah bukan warna melain media dan putih yang sebagai warna hanya bersifat dasar atau penyeimbang dan penyelerasikan antara warna satu dengan lain. Dia tidak suka dengan keramaian yang berisi manusia ataupun hal-hal yang ditimbulkan oleh manusia termasuk konser musik, walaupun dia suka musik namun dia pilih untuk menikmatinya saja sendiri karena menurutnya, sosialita keramaian adalah sosialita melihat dimana didalamnya kita akan melihat kecemburuan, iri, dengki, menggunjingkan orang lain dan sebagainya. Namun kendatipun begitu Ngatiyem tidak peenah menolak jika diajak sama temannya memasuki keramaian karena menurutnya juga ada saatnya kita harus belajar dari apa yang kita lihat dan sebisa mungkin ikut juga merasakan apa yang mereka rasakan.

Ngatiyem... adalah orang yang merasa tidak normal diantara orang yang merasa normal.

Coffee at The Limited Time

I try to run catching the bus in front of me, I didn't know how far I've been running  but the last time I could remember is about several years ago when I put my heart inside that bus. I stopped for many times specially when I met a bus shelter where I can sit on it and breathe for minutes then try to run again.

When I took a rest then I have my coffee on the coffee corner beside the bus shelter, a woman came to me with her baby ask me some money for her to buy some food. The rain was fall that time and so I told her to sat with me in the coffee corner and ordered some food for her and her baby. The baby was cried and seems like she's cold then I gave my jacket to her to make it as a blanket for her baby.

I'd try to open a chat with her and asking what is she doing this place, carrying a baby less of food and freeze without anything and from she looks I think she wasn't a beggar.

"What are you doing here?"


"I was expelled by my husband, he was drunk and bringing another woman into our house then suddenly threw me out because he thought that I had taken his freedom."


"What? Is that bad? How come a husband can throw away a wife because a stupid reason about freedom?"


"Actually at the beginning we're matched by my parents and I didn't have any choice that time and so my husband.  At that time he has a girlfriend whom that he want to married with but because of our parents will we're end up married with many obstacles in our way specially from his girl friend which always insult me and I knew they were still having a relation even we're already become husband and wife.
Although the conditions are so bad I'd remain to be a faithful wife and wholeheartedly serve him as a man in my life until our baby was born. But suddenly the reality was telling lies my husband never changed and didn't admitted this baby as his baby.
I'd swear that I never been cheat and this baby also was result of our relation but somehow I didn't know because of drunk or anything else he dismissed me and his baby without a cause. Now without food and clothes, I'm totally lost in this world".


Surely I didn't know what should I answered listening to all her story. but many thing that Inside my mind questioning what I just heard, and also about a responsibility of a man.
There's a time limit inside my head where asking what is truly happen with all those thing which become un-balance between love, hate and so many thing which then mixed into my coffee cup then become bitter as I can tasted it.

A woman, a baby whom abandoned because of loving and must dismissed and surrendered to the atmosphere which is I knew it's all about pain.

When I'm keep busy with my questioning, I opened my eyes I look at her but I couldn't find her, she moved I don't know where she goes. I just look seen my jacket on the empty chair so I'd try to look around but she's like gone with the wind. then I got back to the where I sat and continuing my coffee.

My bus coming while my coffee cup is hasn't empty yet and I won't finished that coffee as I remembered what happen to me just now, then I run for my bus and sat in the back seat of the bus.

A quarter of my trip a little girl is sat beside me and asked

"Why you didn't married?"


"Why you asking me a bout a question that you don't really know at all?"


"My mom said, if a question shouldn't answered by another question sir, so why you asking me another question while I asked a question to you?"


"Did you realize that just now you're asking another question meanwhile I asked a question answering your question?"

She smiled at me and she told me to closed my eyes, I was following her word wondering what will happen but because she just a little girl I'd just following her to closed my eyes.

She's singing about love, where a man loved a woman and inside the rain they are dancing in happiness. After she finished her song, she told me to opened my eyes, and I seen my mother in front of me.

"a little boy has grown up, and he has time to finding love not to drawn inside the coffee cup"

Then she walk away, stopped the bus and moved down while I couldn't say a word or moving just empty space between my vision understanding what the meaning of those words and what is happen to me, a continuous thing that I couldn't understand at all. So I stopped the bus and get down from the bus and I'm shocked and wondering why I'm back to the shelter where I took a coffee before, I was look around there's no difference so I went to the coffee corner and see whether my coffee is available or not, but then I could see my coffee cup which still a half in it. I took that cup and I still feel the cup still warm so I drink it and finished my coffee and not thinking what is really happen to me.

Then a woman and her baby come to me as the first condition, but there is a difference, now she's smiled at me the baby also seems healthy and warm, she ordered a hot tea then she finished it when her husband came to pick her up, before she leave she told me


"thank you, without you I'm just a mind of self where it has a boundaries as a victim of my self".


I didn't know what is she talking about but. I finally thanks to God that everything that happened just a dream. The rain was fall heavily that night and I'm starred to the front where the rainfall is hit the road while I'm waiting for another bus.

Down Stream light

#1

We Live in a beautiful world

Aku mendaki puncak daratan bukan mencari siapa yang lebih tinggi saat aku menapakan kaki dekat dengan peraduan senja serta saat matahari menjadi satu bidang datar yang tertangkap oleh pandangan mataku, bukan juga untuk melihat seberapa besar kekuatanku menggapai mimpi yang aku terbangkan bersama layang-layang sore itu di belakang rumahku.

Pada satu titik hidup entahlah sebuah cinta yang memerdekakan atau sebuah tujuan yang harus tercapai sebelum semua berakhir di antara dinding tanah yang kemudian akan menguburku dan memutus semua kehidupanku sehingga tidak ada lagi  inta yang terkejar.

Di antara ilalang yang mengais matahari berebut untuk cahaya di balik pepohonan yang menyentuh langit, aku merasa sangat kecil dan sangat tak berdaya ketika luka tergores duri kecil serta batuan terjal yang terkadang menimpa pundakku di jalur pendakianku. Dan betul bahwa Tuhan Maha Pencipta  yang menciptaan berjuta species tanaman serta vegetasi yang tanpa tersadar semua membawa faedahnya sendiri. 

Seekor semut yang berjalan tanpa tersesat, memanggul harapan bagi kelompoknya serta seekor kupu-kupu yang terbang bermigrasi memberi warna dari tepi vegetasi yang tertutup rapat ke area yang terbuka mencari sari bunga untuk kemudian bermetamorposis dan melangsungkan hidup mereka. Subhanallah, Maha suci Allah yang menciptakan alam ini dengan semua keindahaannya.

Di tepian lereng yang  curam alur awan yang menyentuhku begitu hampa seolah tak pernah merasa beban, saat pandang mata hanya berjarak beberapa meter saja tertutup kabut pertanda akan hujan aku sempat mencari bingkai mataku, tapi tidak kutemukan baik itu dari pandangan kiri dan kananku semuanya seperti tak terbingkai sejauh mataku memandang walaupun kabut gelap merintangiku tapi tetap tanpa batas yang terukur oleh manusia. Maha Kuasa Allah SWT atas kesempurnaan penciptaannya hingga saat kabut hilang yang terpandang hanya cahaya-cahaya teknologi di kejauhan yang tampak seperti mozaik dan kunang-kunang berwarna warni. 

Angin yang berhembus mungkin akan menusuk sanubari perenunganku akan beberapa sesal serta dosa tertapak dan sebegitu dekatnya aku di antara alam yang mengalirkan udara dari permukaan hingga tersentuh langit memohon ampunanMu. Saya tunduk kepadaMu ya Allah.

Aku tak berharap esok hari sehingga mataku benar terbuka dan melantunkan nyanyian alam ini seperti nyanyian kelelawar yang baru keluar dari kegelapan untuk mencari kehidupan di gelapnya manusia yaitu malam. 

Aku diam di puncak tertata secara struktur geologi yang membentuk gunung serta lapisan yang ada saat ini, membayangkan beberapa juta tahun lalu saat proses alam terbentuk dan saat ini berjuta metrik ton pun Kau sediakan beberapa barang berharga untuk kami manusia yang mengambil semua manfaatnya, Alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi Allah SWT yang melimpahkan rahmat serta berkah yang tak terhingga.

Saat kehangatan api unggun terbakar mengalir deras hangat dalam sanubari, ya Allah jadikanlah kami senantiasa bersyukur hari ini dan apa yang telah kami dapatkan. Karunia Mu begitu besar menyediakan alam sebagai tempat perlindungan kami, dengan cahaya bulan yang sama sekali tak mempunyai daya pijar namun keindahan remang cahayanya bisa kami nikmati sebagai pencerminan jati diri kami.

Biarkanlah cinta menjadi sebuah proses yang akan kami alami serta benci kami sebagai manusia rendah dan bersikap tanpa penuh kesempurnaan. Aku akan terlelap menyambut matahari terbit esok hari.

Sindoro - 1996 - Saat aku berani melukiskan diam

Journey to Find The Green Land

I was taking my boat to the middle of the sea, actually I know my direction  and the place where I wanna go is green land!. The place where the tree was grow high without any destructions, the waterflow so nicely and the sky was paterned on blue and running white cloud all over it. at least it told like that in the dream I got when I fall in sleep many years ago. It so quiet there, in other words I want to search for some peace in that place, where love is become a major thing without hate and tender become a precious thing inside.

I met many storm before I get here, the storm is almost made me drown when it dancing beside my boat. I know I'll survived that time, I have painted my boat with full of fate and believe where I can made up my journey and found what I really looking for either it is a Greenland or it just an understanding about peace and harmony of ourself reflection.

I didn't bring any light or any compass to show my direction, I just keep forward without turning back so where the breeze is coming I'm always ready to put my screen on and following the wind blows.

My mother often told me to keep my distance when I started to make a trip specially a trip to search what I didn't know for sure. The distance is to make easier for me to turn when I got a resistance caused by others or my environment, in other words if you're having one plan then you needed back up plan to covered the shortcoming on the first plans. 

So in order to make my back up plan I  brought my swimsuit in case if my boat was crashed or any condition, but I believed that I made the best boat ever because I'd put my hope on it even I'm not depend on it but I love my boat as I loved my self.

It is a metaphor so I don't need to tell how I eat or drink it just need believe to understand and mind to learn. 

Short story now I don't know where I am, the storm has made me lost direction. The option I got is if I'm moving forward what I will face is home or my goal also for the opposite and I couldn't choose because the day also covered by the clouds so I can't see where the sun goes or where the star position which is my direction clue for all this time. 

It is rain where my body now get wet and my boat is filled with water, I won't asking what should I do so I took my drawing pen then draw a love on a blank paper which now already wet because of the rain.

The love I wrote :

The sky actually doesn't have a color

The water also doesn't have a color

but it reflecting something so it has a color

It is not an identity or name...

Just a tiny understanding about the contemplation

Love is a matter of felling and has direction

You'll not get lost inside of it

Sincerity and believe

The man inside the boat!

Then I spread the screen and slowly my boat is moving, it doesn't take time to realized that I'm coming home where my mother is waited for me at the jetty where I'm leaved before.

She was smiled at me and I realized that was the precious smile that I have been searching for, she hugs me and said that she loves me more than anything as her lost love inside of her soul. 

I cried when she asked did I found what I'm looking for, I answered that the true happiness is her smile and her happiness and I found my Greenland here inside her trully tender and her sincerity of love.

I tried to search what I wrote on the boat and I want to read it loud  but the notes is gone under the rain. 

I finally realized what is the mean of true happiness of love and life. Sincerity! 

The Rain and The Coat

Captain notes :

I was ridding a star across this earth alone as a captain and also as the crew of this ship called star mind. I built this ship many years ago when the sky is no longer gave the rain to this earth, I didn't have many detail of this ship but I knew by this ship I can see the world through my eyes and I can find my own rain.

I know it sound so selfish to get my own rain but words are only words where the rain it self will always be something that meanful for everybody not for my self. 

The rain was stopped when the saline water on the ocean become high where it become something precious for everybodies life but it also covered the other thing as an issue or trend which fill up the time without seeing what it did covered.

I met my first rain when I was little boy, that time I got my first raincoat which my mother gave me after school. The next day I went to the school wearing that coat, all my friend was wearing umberella but of course my coat was more cool that time. 

In a distance I can see a girl and I knew that she was my classmate, she was covering her head running to one big tree. I was get to close with her and asking why she didn't bring any umberella, but then she cried.

"My umberella was gone, someone steal it from her house and her mother also didn't gave another umberella because it was one of my punishment for being careless lost my lovely umberella".

I knew that the rain that day will change my entire life so I smiled to her, and ask her how does she feel when you lost something that she loved. Now she was crying very loud and answered.

"It was hurt and bad, did you know? my lost umberela was given by someone who loved me, my father gave me to protect me when the day start to rain and where the strom was blowed me wind into my face. 

Before, I love to dance inside the rain and wishing that this rain will be giving me something different inside my heart that is calmness and love but then I got sick because of the rain was hate me. Now my body couldn't stand with the rainfall, every time my head got wet then the next day I will get sick, I miss my umberella but I'm also afraid to come home or go to school because of this rain, what should I do?"

Actually That time in my life I never been so happy as I got this raincoat, before I never get anything so in my mind that time, should I released my single happiness by give the coat to her or I just kept my coat as my own happiness, pretend that I never listened to all her story about how afraid she is to the rain. 

But then I remembered my father was tought me about responsibility and how a man protect a girl even I must lost all I got to give something that make other happy specially a girl, then I took off my coat and gave it to her. She said.

"If you gave me your raincoat then tomorrow you will sick and your coat also never come back because tomorrow I will moved from the town".

I got a little dilemma that time, because it was a gift from my mother so when I get home latter I'm sure my mother will ask my coat. but I'm ready with all the consequences and gave the coat to her in purpose to protect her in every rain that will come in the future.

She kissed me and said thanks and running for then dissapear from my vision.

After I go to the school and got home, there is nothing happen until my mother asked about my coat. I didn't tell my mother that I gave the coat to that girl but I said that I lost it, but my mother didn't believe it and I told the real story which is there is a girl who get trauma because the rain so I gave the coat to her. My mother was very angry and didn't believe me, she said there is no such of trauma because of the rain and she hit me with a shoes and told me to get out from the house.

I knew that time my mother is only want to gave me a lesson but then inside of me, I want to prove to my mother that what I do is isn't wrong.

I run from my house to the middle of no where and in that place I built this mind as my ship to look that rain and I will show to my mother that rain can cause trauma to someone.

12  years I'd travelling searching for the rain because after that rain there are no rain after that, atleast in my place that time. I'm looking for the rain from one city to another city and I was desperate because I didn't find any rain all over the place instead after all happen I never met with other people, I wandering where does every body go but I never cared and kept continuing my journey.

Untill there is a time where I met that girl who I gave my coat to her 12 years ago and she still remembered me.She asked.

"What are you doing here? this is ain't your world why did you come here? are you looking for me to take back your coat that you gave me?".

I said "no. I never think that I will take the coat which I have given to you, I just want to prove something important in my life, this is abkut dignity and about what should man do".

She laughing at me and said "did you know where you at now? Did you knotice that actually now you're in the middle of land of the dead where there are no life or responsibility?"

I was shocked and didn't believe what I just heard, but then she told me about her which is when I met her under the tree actually she already dead because of drown inside the lake when she was played with the rain. she felt into the lake and drown and when she met me actually it was only my halusination, then she told me to come back and ask for apologize from my mother. 

Slowly I stepped with all desperates inside my heart and try to find a way to my mother. a years I've been walking and finally I was home.

I can see my little sister has grown up become a beautiful girl and I can see she's older than me now, she can't see me or touch me so I search my mother inside her room and I found her. She was crying when she read an old news paper where theres wrote about a boy who died because hit by a car and I know that is me.

I try to cried and say something to my mother that I really sorry about what happen to me and her, I said 

"mom, I'm sorry for what I done in the past, I was so stupid that time".

Then I think she can listened to me and said to me that it was isn't my fault but her faults because angry to me and hit me that time and cause of that I ran from the house and she cry louder. I said.

"mom it wasn't your fault, it is my mistakes as a boy who think that he was responsible for the thing and want to prove something that actually was a stupid thing".

She hug me and said that everything is gonna be okay now, let it be a sincerity between us and we follow the world now.

That was the last time I met my mother and now I'm a ship without a crew where I'm become captain for my own ship, fly in the middle of no where.

...........

West Coast - Donggala - Mid Sulawesi

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Wera's River, Palu - Mid Sulawesi

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Wera's River, Palu - Mid Sulawesi

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Rain Down

I was stand in a bus shelter where I was wait for my bus when the sky turned grey that day, I'd never try to run from what I faced or turn around to my back because of surrender from what I'd run for. I knew the rain will fall and I sat alone even my bus is now waited for me, then I talked to the bus driver.

"Please, don't wait for me or wait for me to die on where I stand now, just let me pass this rain for another day".

The bus driver smiled at me, there is a passenger which then get out from that bus and came to me, a young girl and I think maybe she's 7 years old. She sat beside me and smiled at me that time but I didn't care just starring in front when the rain is started to fall, the sound was made my heart beating and whole my body was cold then I was bow and  closed my eyes off.

The little girl was looked at me and gave her best smile, her little hand patted my shoulder then she said "Did you know father? This rain was a moment where a child need a protection?".

I was suprised whe she called me father then I asked to her why she called me father? and she answered

 "I am nobody's child, I am your thought where happiness is nothing than it seems, I am not your future or your past where you're standing now where you're blocking your future and trapped in your past.

Did you know? a girl like me was marked as the result of hapiness between love of human, where I'm become everybody's futures, where my shoulder was heavier than my parent and all my thought is built from my parents thought".

I'm surely shocked to listened a little girl said things that beyond my mind, but also in my curiousity I asked to her "who's your name and why you were here?", she answered with her smile painted at her little lips.

"my name is the rain, the rain which you're starring for.

The rain that become a momental where you need a shelter right now so you will catch another rain to get dance in it. 

I'm here because of nothing, like I told you that I wasn't your future either your past but I'm your self now, alone and don't know where to go even I now a bus is waiting for me". 

Then she pointed her little finger to a bus in front of us while the bus driver is smiled to us and wave his hand. Then she said

"Did you see the bus driver? but don't look just feel it"

I'm really didn't know what is she talking about but that time I closed my eyes and try to dig my own feeling, she whispered to me

"the bus driver is also you're now, see his happy face which always smile even the storm is in front of him and a huge burden was he take care of, he need to focus to save the bus for not crashed or slipped inside the rain but also under his responsible to that bus he also responsible to me as his own happiness called love which he never realized that I am the same as him and we're you!"

That time I was so confused, what's actually happen to me? then I closed my eyes once again try to make sure that I'm not dreaming. but then I realized something when I opened my eyes. I was standing in the middle of no where even my foot wasn't stepped I can't see anything just white color without boundaries or any other subject. I guess I am dead already and now I'm in between heaven and hell so then I closed my eyes again.

Slowly I can heard the sound of the rain and when I opened my eyes, I found my self lying down next the shelter under the rain in the midnight where there's no body there.

I tried to lift my foot to step and walked to the nearest shelter in purpose to cover my body from the rain. but I couldn't do that and what I do is crawling and crawling untill a bus stopped in front of me, I guess that I will met with the same girl as before, but now it different, I found you, the lady rain which I describe in my every dream before but not a little girl before.

She was starring at me from the bus door, she bow her head down and I can saw her cry. I'm still crawling to the shelter try to talk with her but in a minutes you are entered the bus then leave. and when I touched the shelter I just found and empty shelter in the middle of the rain. 

Simplicity

In life often we're become human which thought that their life was full of sorrow, all the process that passing through is nothing than the pain. About love, family, career etc which then dragging us into a world of blue.

Agony sometimes become hurible where actually it not just influence to your self but it also become matters to your environment. many philoshopers think that human essence was about asking about the present of human it self and it was a direct line between human and God who belong this universe. Human are exist because there is The Creator, then it become a straight vertical line between human being and God. 

But as we lived in the civilization we are also have connected to the other human fellow as the horizontal line which also we called life among the human.  We are never be able to stand alone, in several thing we always need others to do the things that we are not afford to do that. Human connection also about human needs for something that we also can't describe it as the love which no perfect words to define it. 

What are we? and are we recognized our self to know our ability and our strength in facing this world? or might be we just played a game where we live for nothing and spent all the time just being alive, breathe normally, eat and then died?

No...!

We are given mind to choose and make an option about things that we face in front of our path. If there is a past which brought our self in then it is not an option but a disease where actually we're burried our self inside the box called agony. Who created the past? and I would answer is us who made the past.  There is no measure about how hard our past is but as human it also built our characters for the next future. A child which often torched by his parents then as he grown up he will become something that full of traumatic person or even he become someone which full of hate and revenges. 

About the love.

In many case someone couldn't forget their past because of drama that he got was too sweet to forget or was too hurible to forget, someone left us, someone is cheating on us etc. so what we should do?

Asking to your self? 

Are you a perfect person or indeed you're full of lessness that need others to fill your shortcoming? might you're often heard a sentence that no body is perfect, and indeed none of us is perfect in thought, attitude and all the thing we do. but did you ever realized that perfectness is belong to God where God create us perfectly as human body structure? watch how our arms work, watch our eyes where we seen thing then asume something and even blind man is given something that normal person can't do. God is fair in everything.

What we need to walk?

Are you knowing your purpose in life? are you set your goals and made a master plan of it? or actually you are dying because agony has fill you up with sorrow and your life never moved on, in other word you are standing static without doing anything, so what makes any different between you and the animal who doesn't have mind for think?  for as you know even an animal need a struggle to get their foods and also it need others to communicate then have a baby from it. 

It is not only about thing that we are trying to catch but also mind that animal doesn't have it. It's also about life that goes on where always following the ticking time, it never stopped or backward, it always move forward and we are under it, never race with it and never run with it, we just walked with it. Indeed we have past that following us but our future also still in front of us and we never know what we are going to deal or face.

Wake up!!

There is no such agony if we're knowing our self and our essence of life. Those are just a process of catching the goal where we run for it. It is about how we look at life and how we loving and how we are fighting and struggling for our life. but even so we're also not a selfishtic person who cares for him self it also adapted on society where everyone make a judgement on you. Loved by other, hated by others and manything that actually difficult for us to think but it was very simple if we're focus on our purpose or life.

Life is that simple right?

River Down

I'd down to the ground where my body was burried in the down hole where the rain covered it without breathing, I'm drowning with my feet are tied into a burden without limitation. But however on those injury time where I can still feel hurt on my legs I tried to swim up on the surface even the wave is against me.

The speed was taking me deeper and deeper while it hasn't touch the bottom, my body is getting heavier and the pressure also getting stronger while I kept my breathe with all the air that left in my entire body. I'd still awake when the light was slow down turned off, I didn't see anything while the river is drag me down and it already many hours I have been drawn so I can count how many mile I'm here down under the river of no where.

I knew that I can stopped then I closed my eyes while the first thing I could saw is your face 5 centimeters in front of my face, your eyes was stare at me and it seems like you're in depth sorrow and you can't talked because your lips are sealed while I knew you're alive to held my hands when I was felt down with a rhytmically speed following the time. I am talked to my self that it was just a dream where I closed my eyes then slowly I opened my eyes, there's nothing in front of me. Just an empty view where dark are dominated, the light which I saw is only a dot and I knew I couldn't grab it as my hopes.

I closed my eyes again and the second time you were smiled at me and asked me to be calm and let it all happen, then your hand is held my face while my hands are frozen. You kissed me when I can't recognized my self in the depth.

Suddenly I openned my eyes and the burden which tied on me is released and I didn't know what is took me above but I could feel something is pull over my body with the high speed and it no need hours for me to get to the surface, but that time I didn't found any surface. I was lying down in the desert where I didn't know where I am, there's no mark of water or wet all over my body. I'm in the middle of confused and still questioning where I am that time.

Standing alone under the sun which started to burn my skin, the sand was also burned my feet because I didn't wear any slipper or shoes and what I do that time is closed my eyes and wondering whats happen to me.

"When a man kissed by an angel it shown hopes where the painting was never dry" 

I can hear a song when I opened my eyes and I knew that I was dreaming about something that I shouldn't make a question about it, about sincerity that bring the love and stabbed me to recognize my own self feeling, about the life essence and what I'm faced right now and The things is about you when you started to come and gone. 

While I'm just a little boy who learned to stand and grab the star but you're never exist and even you're just a dream. and it doesn't stop yet.

And I won't stop till it's over!

Jeda

Manusia yang me-manusiakan diri?

Melupakan cinta dan menjadi manusia dengan hati tanpa rasa?

Melangkah saja tanpa perlu berlari?

atau justru mencari sebuah nilai yang akan didapat dari lingkungan tempatmu berdiri dan melupakan sejenak essensi serta menjadi seseorang yang pura-pura kuat berdiri sedangkan tubuhmu rapuh menopang struktur tubuhmu.

Pilihan?

Pencarian?

Atau hanya sebuah kenikmatan hidup yang sementara proses yang dijalani beserta semua konsekuensinya dalam pilihan hidup. Sebagai pencerita dan dongeng yang terlukis tembok itu sudah penuh tanpa jeda, sedangkan pemikiran adalah hanya sebuah pemikiran di dalam pikiran.

Nilai?

Pencapaian?

Pengenalan diri?

Atau hanya kerancuan saja dimana kau selalu berada ditengah tanpa tahu kamu berada dimana ataupun hanya diam saja.

Diam?

Bicara?

Tak ada rasa sakit ataupun jeda hati seperti benteng yang tercipta untuk mengurung kata cinta ataupun segenggam hidup yang sudah diyakini.

Aku lupa!

Sejauh semata hanya 5 centimeter saja terlihat namun bukan seperti tendangan tanpa bayangan yang menjatuhkan atau membekukan didalam lemari es. Gila... anehlah sudah tanpa batas.

Apa rasanya menghilang tanpa bayangan? tidakkah itu menjadi suatu mungkin saat hujan saja masih meninggalkan bekas, aku tertanam di daratan kering yang hanya pasir saja mengisi tubuhku. Bukan hati kawan, sahabat dan yang tercintaku.. itu semuanya sebuah kajian dari wacana yang meneriakkan kegalauan tanpa terucap.

Aku bertuliskan "orang aneh jatuh cinta". 

Jatuh berarti tersungkur tanpa memegang tongkat atau kursi roda yang kemudian menuntutku menjadi seorang kawan bagi bayannganku, tapi bukankah bayangan sendiri bukan aku yang melukisnya, hanya sebuah bias biasa yang tak menyerupai aku namun tergaris bentuk lekuk tubuh kurusku. 

Aku bertuliskan "orang yang tidak berusaha menjadi normal".

Bukan kah normal adalah sebuah kebiasaan yang tidak sama sekali huruf mati sehingga mempunyai nilai absolut ataupun mempunyai hak paten dan dipublikasikan untuk dipajang di toko ikan berlabelkan harga yang sangat biasa dan saat orang lain membelinya akan sama saja dicerna dan menjadi kotoran yang mengandung pupuk organik dan gas yang entahlah apa penafsirannya. 

Aku bertuliskan "Siapa yang gila?".

Saat berjalan di keramaian yang kusebut kumpulan kotak yang mempunyai garis tebal dengan kunci gembok sebesar pasar lalu tersisa hanya celah untuk mereka yang di dalam kotak itu mengintip keluar dan melihat siapa dan apa diluar lalu kenapa aku yang menjadi cukup normal yang membawa ember berisikan ikan untuk kuberikan pada lumba-lumba yang notabene bukan siapa dan bukan apa.

Aku bertuliskan "orang gila berpelana kuda".

Aku naik delman dan duduk di samping kusir yang sedang bekerja!.. lalu aku adalah kuda tercambuk demi kecepatan tanpa mesin sport dan knalpot garang di bokongku. lalu aku beli kacamata tanpa kaca, aku letakkan di pelipis kiri dan kananku, aku tidak bisa tahu siapa di sampingku hingga seorang bilang "hey aku cinta padamu!". Sial!! aku tetap tak bisa melihat disampingku, lalu bokongku dicambuk kembali oleh pak kusir yang sedang bekerja. Ternyata aku tidak duduk disamping pak kusir!! akulah sang kuda!.

Aku bertuliskan "jika anda merasa gila maka anda tidak akan berada disini!".

Hei, aku sudah mengecat kamarku dengan warna hitam! lalu kulukiskan cerita ditembok itu, sedikit grafiti tanpa warna dan sedikit gambar perempuan tempat aku memadukan bukan warna hitam dan warna putih. Tapi kenapa semua orang menertawakan aku dan berkata "hei kamu gila! tempat kamu bukan berada disini!". Aku pun mengadu pada seorang wanita yang berpakaian serba putih lalu aku diberi sayuran kemudian leherku diikat disebuah pagar, diberikannya aku minum lalu disuruhnya aku meminum obat bertuliskan "anti stres!".

Aku bertuliskan "disini tempat menunggu hujan!".

Saat pagi aku diberi makan saat itu pula bisa kulihat gelembung yang keluar dari selang bertuliskan "made in china". Aku bisa melihat batuan disekelilingku seperti karang dengan pasir serta rumah-rumahan dan tanaman plastik yang kadang ikut melambai saat gelembung udara itu naik kepermukaan. Akupun punya teman seperti rupaku, setiap saat aku ajak bercanda dan dia menirukan semua perkataanku, dia bahkan meniru semua gerakanku. Saat malam seminggu hampir datang entah aku lupa atau gila, ternyata aku hanya seorang ikan yang hidup di akuarium saat ada orang yang datang dan menawarku seharga sekilo cabe rawit. Pantas saja hujan tak pernah datang! aku ber insang!!.

Aku bertuliskan "awas anjing galak!".

Aku bersekolah disekolah kepribadian yang membuatku pintar duduk dan berguling, bahkan saat berjalan aku diajarkan untuk menunjukan taringku. Kata mereka biar aku memiliki karisma dan wibawa, aku juga diajarkan untuk tidak menerima suap walaupun itu tulang rusukku sendiri yang konon katanya dekat ke hatiku. Malam hari ini giliran aku berjaga dan hanya diberi makan makanan sisa berupa tempe bacem dan tahu bacem buatan china, jadi awas saja jangan datang malam ini karena setahuku efek makanan ini hisa membuatku kuat tanpa celah.

Aku bertuliskan "Silahkan mengantri".

Entah siapa pemimpinku yang aku berada dilintasan terakhir lintasan balap tanpa boleh aku menyusulnya, aku hanya diperbolehkan mencari gula untuk persediaan makan kaumku. akupun tak boleh melirik sang ratu yang sangat jelek namun mempesona! beruntungnya aku.

Tapi aku tak boleh mengeluh dan aku laki-laki setia lhoo.

Aku bertuliskan "aku".

........................................ masa?