Rain Down

I was stand in a bus shelter where I was wait for my bus when the sky turned grey that day, I'd never try to run from what I faced or turn around to my back because of surrender from what I'd run for. I knew the rain will fall and I sat alone even my bus is now waited for me, then I talked to the bus driver.

"Please, don't wait for me or wait for me to die on where I stand now, just let me pass this rain for another day".

The bus driver smiled at me, there is a passenger which then get out from that bus and came to me, a young girl and I think maybe she's 7 years old. She sat beside me and smiled at me that time but I didn't care just starring in front when the rain is started to fall, the sound was made my heart beating and whole my body was cold then I was bow and  closed my eyes off.

The little girl was looked at me and gave her best smile, her little hand patted my shoulder then she said "Did you know father? This rain was a moment where a child need a protection?".

I was suprised whe she called me father then I asked to her why she called me father? and she answered

 "I am nobody's child, I am your thought where happiness is nothing than it seems, I am not your future or your past where you're standing now where you're blocking your future and trapped in your past.

Did you know? a girl like me was marked as the result of hapiness between love of human, where I'm become everybody's futures, where my shoulder was heavier than my parent and all my thought is built from my parents thought".

I'm surely shocked to listened a little girl said things that beyond my mind, but also in my curiousity I asked to her "who's your name and why you were here?", she answered with her smile painted at her little lips.

"my name is the rain, the rain which you're starring for.

The rain that become a momental where you need a shelter right now so you will catch another rain to get dance in it. 

I'm here because of nothing, like I told you that I wasn't your future either your past but I'm your self now, alone and don't know where to go even I now a bus is waiting for me". 

Then she pointed her little finger to a bus in front of us while the bus driver is smiled to us and wave his hand. Then she said

"Did you see the bus driver? but don't look just feel it"

I'm really didn't know what is she talking about but that time I closed my eyes and try to dig my own feeling, she whispered to me

"the bus driver is also you're now, see his happy face which always smile even the storm is in front of him and a huge burden was he take care of, he need to focus to save the bus for not crashed or slipped inside the rain but also under his responsible to that bus he also responsible to me as his own happiness called love which he never realized that I am the same as him and we're you!"

That time I was so confused, what's actually happen to me? then I closed my eyes once again try to make sure that I'm not dreaming. but then I realized something when I opened my eyes. I was standing in the middle of no where even my foot wasn't stepped I can't see anything just white color without boundaries or any other subject. I guess I am dead already and now I'm in between heaven and hell so then I closed my eyes again.

Slowly I can heard the sound of the rain and when I opened my eyes, I found my self lying down next the shelter under the rain in the midnight where there's no body there.

I tried to lift my foot to step and walked to the nearest shelter in purpose to cover my body from the rain. but I couldn't do that and what I do is crawling and crawling untill a bus stopped in front of me, I guess that I will met with the same girl as before, but now it different, I found you, the lady rain which I describe in my every dream before but not a little girl before.

She was starring at me from the bus door, she bow her head down and I can saw her cry. I'm still crawling to the shelter try to talk with her but in a minutes you are entered the bus then leave. and when I touched the shelter I just found and empty shelter in the middle of the rain. 

Simplicity

In life often we're become human which thought that their life was full of sorrow, all the process that passing through is nothing than the pain. About love, family, career etc which then dragging us into a world of blue.

Agony sometimes become hurible where actually it not just influence to your self but it also become matters to your environment. many philoshopers think that human essence was about asking about the present of human it self and it was a direct line between human and God who belong this universe. Human are exist because there is The Creator, then it become a straight vertical line between human being and God. 

But as we lived in the civilization we are also have connected to the other human fellow as the horizontal line which also we called life among the human.  We are never be able to stand alone, in several thing we always need others to do the things that we are not afford to do that. Human connection also about human needs for something that we also can't describe it as the love which no perfect words to define it. 

What are we? and are we recognized our self to know our ability and our strength in facing this world? or might be we just played a game where we live for nothing and spent all the time just being alive, breathe normally, eat and then died?

No...!

We are given mind to choose and make an option about things that we face in front of our path. If there is a past which brought our self in then it is not an option but a disease where actually we're burried our self inside the box called agony. Who created the past? and I would answer is us who made the past.  There is no measure about how hard our past is but as human it also built our characters for the next future. A child which often torched by his parents then as he grown up he will become something that full of traumatic person or even he become someone which full of hate and revenges. 

About the love.

In many case someone couldn't forget their past because of drama that he got was too sweet to forget or was too hurible to forget, someone left us, someone is cheating on us etc. so what we should do?

Asking to your self? 

Are you a perfect person or indeed you're full of lessness that need others to fill your shortcoming? might you're often heard a sentence that no body is perfect, and indeed none of us is perfect in thought, attitude and all the thing we do. but did you ever realized that perfectness is belong to God where God create us perfectly as human body structure? watch how our arms work, watch our eyes where we seen thing then asume something and even blind man is given something that normal person can't do. God is fair in everything.

What we need to walk?

Are you knowing your purpose in life? are you set your goals and made a master plan of it? or actually you are dying because agony has fill you up with sorrow and your life never moved on, in other word you are standing static without doing anything, so what makes any different between you and the animal who doesn't have mind for think?  for as you know even an animal need a struggle to get their foods and also it need others to communicate then have a baby from it. 

It is not only about thing that we are trying to catch but also mind that animal doesn't have it. It's also about life that goes on where always following the ticking time, it never stopped or backward, it always move forward and we are under it, never race with it and never run with it, we just walked with it. Indeed we have past that following us but our future also still in front of us and we never know what we are going to deal or face.

Wake up!!

There is no such agony if we're knowing our self and our essence of life. Those are just a process of catching the goal where we run for it. It is about how we look at life and how we loving and how we are fighting and struggling for our life. but even so we're also not a selfishtic person who cares for him self it also adapted on society where everyone make a judgement on you. Loved by other, hated by others and manything that actually difficult for us to think but it was very simple if we're focus on our purpose or life.

Life is that simple right?

River Down

I'd down to the ground where my body was burried in the down hole where the rain covered it without breathing, I'm drowning with my feet are tied into a burden without limitation. But however on those injury time where I can still feel hurt on my legs I tried to swim up on the surface even the wave is against me.

The speed was taking me deeper and deeper while it hasn't touch the bottom, my body is getting heavier and the pressure also getting stronger while I kept my breathe with all the air that left in my entire body. I'd still awake when the light was slow down turned off, I didn't see anything while the river is drag me down and it already many hours I have been drawn so I can count how many mile I'm here down under the river of no where.

I knew that I can stopped then I closed my eyes while the first thing I could saw is your face 5 centimeters in front of my face, your eyes was stare at me and it seems like you're in depth sorrow and you can't talked because your lips are sealed while I knew you're alive to held my hands when I was felt down with a rhytmically speed following the time. I am talked to my self that it was just a dream where I closed my eyes then slowly I opened my eyes, there's nothing in front of me. Just an empty view where dark are dominated, the light which I saw is only a dot and I knew I couldn't grab it as my hopes.

I closed my eyes again and the second time you were smiled at me and asked me to be calm and let it all happen, then your hand is held my face while my hands are frozen. You kissed me when I can't recognized my self in the depth.

Suddenly I openned my eyes and the burden which tied on me is released and I didn't know what is took me above but I could feel something is pull over my body with the high speed and it no need hours for me to get to the surface, but that time I didn't found any surface. I was lying down in the desert where I didn't know where I am, there's no mark of water or wet all over my body. I'm in the middle of confused and still questioning where I am that time.

Standing alone under the sun which started to burn my skin, the sand was also burned my feet because I didn't wear any slipper or shoes and what I do that time is closed my eyes and wondering whats happen to me.

"When a man kissed by an angel it shown hopes where the painting was never dry" 

I can hear a song when I opened my eyes and I knew that I was dreaming about something that I shouldn't make a question about it, about sincerity that bring the love and stabbed me to recognize my own self feeling, about the life essence and what I'm faced right now and The things is about you when you started to come and gone. 

While I'm just a little boy who learned to stand and grab the star but you're never exist and even you're just a dream. and it doesn't stop yet.

And I won't stop till it's over!

Jeda

Manusia yang me-manusiakan diri?

Melupakan cinta dan menjadi manusia dengan hati tanpa rasa?

Melangkah saja tanpa perlu berlari?

atau justru mencari sebuah nilai yang akan didapat dari lingkungan tempatmu berdiri dan melupakan sejenak essensi serta menjadi seseorang yang pura-pura kuat berdiri sedangkan tubuhmu rapuh menopang struktur tubuhmu.

Pilihan?

Pencarian?

Atau hanya sebuah kenikmatan hidup yang sementara proses yang dijalani beserta semua konsekuensinya dalam pilihan hidup. Sebagai pencerita dan dongeng yang terlukis tembok itu sudah penuh tanpa jeda, sedangkan pemikiran adalah hanya sebuah pemikiran di dalam pikiran.

Nilai?

Pencapaian?

Pengenalan diri?

Atau hanya kerancuan saja dimana kau selalu berada ditengah tanpa tahu kamu berada dimana ataupun hanya diam saja.

Diam?

Bicara?

Tak ada rasa sakit ataupun jeda hati seperti benteng yang tercipta untuk mengurung kata cinta ataupun segenggam hidup yang sudah diyakini.

Aku lupa!

Sejauh semata hanya 5 centimeter saja terlihat namun bukan seperti tendangan tanpa bayangan yang menjatuhkan atau membekukan didalam lemari es. Gila... anehlah sudah tanpa batas.

Apa rasanya menghilang tanpa bayangan? tidakkah itu menjadi suatu mungkin saat hujan saja masih meninggalkan bekas, aku tertanam di daratan kering yang hanya pasir saja mengisi tubuhku. Bukan hati kawan, sahabat dan yang tercintaku.. itu semuanya sebuah kajian dari wacana yang meneriakkan kegalauan tanpa terucap.

Aku bertuliskan "orang aneh jatuh cinta". 

Jatuh berarti tersungkur tanpa memegang tongkat atau kursi roda yang kemudian menuntutku menjadi seorang kawan bagi bayannganku, tapi bukankah bayangan sendiri bukan aku yang melukisnya, hanya sebuah bias biasa yang tak menyerupai aku namun tergaris bentuk lekuk tubuh kurusku. 

Aku bertuliskan "orang yang tidak berusaha menjadi normal".

Bukan kah normal adalah sebuah kebiasaan yang tidak sama sekali huruf mati sehingga mempunyai nilai absolut ataupun mempunyai hak paten dan dipublikasikan untuk dipajang di toko ikan berlabelkan harga yang sangat biasa dan saat orang lain membelinya akan sama saja dicerna dan menjadi kotoran yang mengandung pupuk organik dan gas yang entahlah apa penafsirannya. 

Aku bertuliskan "Siapa yang gila?".

Saat berjalan di keramaian yang kusebut kumpulan kotak yang mempunyai garis tebal dengan kunci gembok sebesar pasar lalu tersisa hanya celah untuk mereka yang di dalam kotak itu mengintip keluar dan melihat siapa dan apa diluar lalu kenapa aku yang menjadi cukup normal yang membawa ember berisikan ikan untuk kuberikan pada lumba-lumba yang notabene bukan siapa dan bukan apa.

Aku bertuliskan "orang gila berpelana kuda".

Aku naik delman dan duduk di samping kusir yang sedang bekerja!.. lalu aku adalah kuda tercambuk demi kecepatan tanpa mesin sport dan knalpot garang di bokongku. lalu aku beli kacamata tanpa kaca, aku letakkan di pelipis kiri dan kananku, aku tidak bisa tahu siapa di sampingku hingga seorang bilang "hey aku cinta padamu!". Sial!! aku tetap tak bisa melihat disampingku, lalu bokongku dicambuk kembali oleh pak kusir yang sedang bekerja. Ternyata aku tidak duduk disamping pak kusir!! akulah sang kuda!.

Aku bertuliskan "jika anda merasa gila maka anda tidak akan berada disini!".

Hei, aku sudah mengecat kamarku dengan warna hitam! lalu kulukiskan cerita ditembok itu, sedikit grafiti tanpa warna dan sedikit gambar perempuan tempat aku memadukan bukan warna hitam dan warna putih. Tapi kenapa semua orang menertawakan aku dan berkata "hei kamu gila! tempat kamu bukan berada disini!". Aku pun mengadu pada seorang wanita yang berpakaian serba putih lalu aku diberi sayuran kemudian leherku diikat disebuah pagar, diberikannya aku minum lalu disuruhnya aku meminum obat bertuliskan "anti stres!".

Aku bertuliskan "disini tempat menunggu hujan!".

Saat pagi aku diberi makan saat itu pula bisa kulihat gelembung yang keluar dari selang bertuliskan "made in china". Aku bisa melihat batuan disekelilingku seperti karang dengan pasir serta rumah-rumahan dan tanaman plastik yang kadang ikut melambai saat gelembung udara itu naik kepermukaan. Akupun punya teman seperti rupaku, setiap saat aku ajak bercanda dan dia menirukan semua perkataanku, dia bahkan meniru semua gerakanku. Saat malam seminggu hampir datang entah aku lupa atau gila, ternyata aku hanya seorang ikan yang hidup di akuarium saat ada orang yang datang dan menawarku seharga sekilo cabe rawit. Pantas saja hujan tak pernah datang! aku ber insang!!.

Aku bertuliskan "awas anjing galak!".

Aku bersekolah disekolah kepribadian yang membuatku pintar duduk dan berguling, bahkan saat berjalan aku diajarkan untuk menunjukan taringku. Kata mereka biar aku memiliki karisma dan wibawa, aku juga diajarkan untuk tidak menerima suap walaupun itu tulang rusukku sendiri yang konon katanya dekat ke hatiku. Malam hari ini giliran aku berjaga dan hanya diberi makan makanan sisa berupa tempe bacem dan tahu bacem buatan china, jadi awas saja jangan datang malam ini karena setahuku efek makanan ini hisa membuatku kuat tanpa celah.

Aku bertuliskan "Silahkan mengantri".

Entah siapa pemimpinku yang aku berada dilintasan terakhir lintasan balap tanpa boleh aku menyusulnya, aku hanya diperbolehkan mencari gula untuk persediaan makan kaumku. akupun tak boleh melirik sang ratu yang sangat jelek namun mempesona! beruntungnya aku.

Tapi aku tak boleh mengeluh dan aku laki-laki setia lhoo.

Aku bertuliskan "aku".

........................................ masa?