hujan adalah pertanda

tak ada yang lain kah selain angin yang membawaku menuju daratan selain hujan yang membelenggu kataku. dan semua yang kukatakan adalah sebuah daratan tanpa hujan
bebicara tentang dirimu tak pernah terkatakan dan aku selalu ada tanpa kau sadari aku ada, "bukan begitu?" kataku mengeluh tentang dirimu.

bawalah hidupku sebagai pelarian dari hujan yang tak kan adalagi matahari yang merindukan hujanmu. bukan berkawan bahasa tapi jiwa tenangmu yang menggodaku untuk mencinta bahkan untuk menjadi diriku pun tak terkatakan. "selamatkan aku!" tetap saja buram kan?

hujan akan tetap turun kawan, sahabat dan pencintaku tak ahal hanya sebuah kenangan namun itu adalah cinta tanpa aku sadari dan anehnya kau tak pernah mengetahui atau justru kau malu!??.
jalan yang ada akan tetap basah dan menjatuhkan ragaku hingga basah kuyup namun aku sebutnya tarian saat seperti kau berlumur darah seperti merubah mata coklatku menjadi biru tersiram cat yang tak pernah kering karena hujan. itulah yang tidak aku khawatirkan dari diriku untuk tetap bergumul dengan hujan, ya karena kau disudut buritan yang sedang indah berdansa sedih namun kau buramkan sekali lagi dengan hujan saat aku mimpikan matahari esok hari.

dari semua yang akan kunyanyikan untukmu adalah "bila cinta sudah mati". seperti kata pujangga dadakan yang kutemui didalam kotak pos yang penuh namun diam. dia menangis berkali-kali namun sekaligus menertawakan aku.
aku menggandengmu dari hujan deras tanpa petir karena aku tahu kau terlalu berharga namun aku juga bukan pawang hujan yang bisa mengumpulkan tetesan hujan dalam waktu satu menit dalam hidupku.

Alone I Break

Pick me up
been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it some how

I will make it go away
can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
these feelings will be gone
these feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
I am ready,
Heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

I will make it go away
can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
these feelings will be gone
these feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
is there nothing more to come? (am I Gunna leave this place?)
Is it always black in space?
Am I going to take it's place?
Am I going to leave this race? (Am I going to leave this race?)
I guess god's up in this place?
what is it that I've become?
is there something more to come? (more to come)

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

song by Korn - Alone i break

diberanda yang hilang

kehilanganmu bagaikan rembulan dipadang senja
mengikuti haru dibarat matahari
bak terluka dari kemanusiaan serta lupa berbangsa
bukan satu hamba yang yakin saja namun cinta
luka hati dan hilang pudar

semenjak hati ada kala, kau bertautan gaduh
tak pernah rela bercinta dibatasan langit
bukan bidadari kau sendiri yangmencibirku
aku tetap lelaki pemangku hujan
tak pernah bersuara payau kala guntur

jangan cipta saat melangkah
berkenalan dengan anugrah paras manusia
kau saja bilang hilangkan aku
jadi biarkan saja aku melukiskan senja
kucoretkan cinta dipelipis matamu
walau aku hilang

hujan dan aku

dalam hujan aku mencari nama,sementara ukiran yang sudah terpahat telah membakar disela sela nuraniku mengerogoti khayal serta asa yang terpajang memanjang dari kilometer nol hingga tak terhingga.
kau yang berada disana menunggu hujan tanpa jeda bahkan kau tak enggan menari, kau tak pernah malu untukku dan aku menjadi sempurna bagi diriku. aku menjadi diriku saat itu.

dititik batasan yang tercipta antara jauhnya perbedaan waktu dan entah itu adalah jiwa tapi aku tahu jiwa satu dalam berbeda nyawa, dan aku menunggu hujan berhenti untukmu. pernahkah kau tersadar dari mimpimu saat kau bermimpi nyata itu hanya sebuah ilusi seperti keramaian didalam kotak pos yang senantiasa gaduh namun sekaligus sebenarnya diam dalam kata-kata?
aku tidak wahai "hujan".

hari ini kau tanyakan padaku "benarkah akumencintai hujan?".
"ya, dan tak seorangpun sanggup menghentikanku" kujawab untuk pertanyaanmu dan kujawab itu untukmu meski kau sendiri tak tersadar bahwa aku selalu ada bahkan saat kau menganggapku tak ada.

aku kemudian beranjak dari dudukku memandang warna jingga dilatar belakangmu, kemudian kubisikan kata "kau adalah hujanku". tapi aku tetap bisu dan kehilangan keseimbanganku yang akhirnya aku jatuh tersungkur.

died after valentine

“Come with me when the rain is over, so you will know the summer will be come and crowd like a post box”. Those words will be filled as my buried body downstream of the time when you start to go someplace I’d never knew before.

I already prepared a bullet for my gun when I’m stop playing my gun to kill my self at the top of the mountain we climbed. But I knew there was you watching me as a suffer valentine waited for my dead bodies started one huge step to come over you and I didn’t do it and I loved to suspend it as my red light to go further to my limitation.

Give me a reason!

So now give me a reason to believe that’s all wrong and it means why you lies while you talk you have found me in a junkyard. I wouldn’t die once more not only my loneliness from your side, they didn’t know you sing it to me. I ignored it!

I remember light are cloudy and the light over me when you finally found me. Give me reason to the thunder which built a new divide for gave a limit for hoping and dreaming. I already get what I deserve like a blowing whistle for your mouth when you sang at my valentine.

Don’t let me fall!

I got denial as my self because none of reason you gave is killed my heart and buried my bodies into deep even worse you killed my soul as a horse who ran for you. Please don’t let me fall underneath the moon and let me dive into you as someone I adored and take a little time underneath the sun, hold down the standing ultimatum that I was a human being. Its little to high for me to wait but don’t let me fall.

Just tell to me what should I do!? I’m still floating with the black cloud. I don’t want to trust you no more a loved person and I don’t want to touch by a limited heart or a lies from your sealed lips. Blame me for your life and take my black box away to surrender my heart string. Tell me once again about lies that you painted as a guilty feeling of yours. And I’m killed in action as living in a combat zone where lies is my pain.

It just reality in a fantasy and live in a cross border of redemption. We lived and working and eat as unhappy person as loved or not loving anybody. We talked spectrum of foolish in the fantasy life but the fact are being sealed. I don’t need your concern or explanation; I’m not a part of your destruction. A very sweet destruction like a corrupted mind of nationalism.

I don’t have any equal as an immortal feeling, suppressed by freedom or your present. This pain is just a will which can’t be erased even you scream out loud. We always cried in our shoulder this year and being a victim of who I am or all alone.

Don’t turn away and crossed my way. My feeling was died yesterday, my pain and my trust already surrender when you point a gun on me. It never be a settle thing after you tread so hard on me. I even couldn’t opened my eyes to realize that I’m still awake. If this one still my fantasy I’ll paint it as a tattoo on my back and wishing you never there as my mate but the truth has been answered by it self, I already lied that I am not what you’re and I’m self. Just the dark design which painted on a black wall when the night fall. Ironic!